Again, I’ve been typing up my blogs at home in a word doc to C & P once I get to the internet. So here is the update from my weigh-in on Wednesday. I will be uploading a couple more entries right after this one.
Today I weighed in at exactly the same weight I weighed in at last week, 162.8. I have one more week until I get my key charm for my WW keychain! Lifetime, I’m comin’ to join ya, honey! This was the first time I’d been to my regular meeting in a while. I changed my schedule at work to ensure I could make my meeting and this is the first time I actually made it (last week I was at the gym with Cap’n T), albeit 10 minutes late. I get there, disrobe (I always wear my weigh-in clothes under my real clothes), and get on the scale. After I get off and start gathering all my shit (I take off EVERYTHING: pedometer, shoes, jewelry, etc), this lady comes up to me and says, “Ohmygod, how much have you lost? You look great!” I had no idea; I had to pull out my weight record: 64.6lbs, I told her. She gasped and her eyes got big and she said again, “You really look great!” I felt good and bad at the same time. Now, the majority of my meeting is made up of senior citizen women, some Lifetime, some struggling with the plan. This woman was still OP, but obviously (by her look of surprise that I’d lost and almost resignation that she simply has not) not losing. I understand that it gets harder to lose the weight as you get older. I also understand that it is probably harder to change your habits at an older age as well. Even still, I know FOR ABSOLUTE FACT that if you work the plan (*truly* work the plan: stay within your daily points target, track EVERYTHING you eat, follow the Good Health Guidelines, and exercise), you will lose weight. So when people say they can’t lose weight and they don’t know what they are doing wrong, I do: they aren’t on plan. They say they are, but they have no idea how many points they are really consuming because they aren’t tracking their food. It’s like balancing your checkbook in your head – a really bad idea that always turns into disaster. Or they aren’t drinking enough water. Or they aren’t eating enough points. OR NOT EXERCISING! There has to be something. You can’t tell me you are following the plan to an absolute T and just not losing weight. I reject that. I’m a closet eater, so I know how easy it is to say you are following the plan when you know damn well you are off plan in secret. I know how easy it is to try to track in my head and completely lose track of what I’ve eaten. I remember how I went an entire month of gaining weight every week and the week that I tracked? I lost weight! I just know that if I can lose all this weight (and I still have issues with my eating habits), I’m pretty sure that anybody can do this. ANYBODY. Yeah, anybody includes you, too. Yes, YOU.

Random non-sequitor: A girl at my job said something today that secretly made me feel normal. The HR lady is a Girl Scout leader and y’all know it’s cookie season. I will have you all know that I haven’t purchased any GS cookies in a few YEARS! I think the last time I did I was either pregnant, or Reuben was a newborn, so over three years ago. That right there? Big accomplishment. Huge! Anyway, one of my coworkers, Shelly, had bought some Do-Si-Do’s, the peanut butter sandwich cookies. Not every council still sells them, and they are one of my fave (top three faves in this order: Thin Mints, Trefoils, Dosido’s, with the Lemon creams and/or snaps coming in a very close 4th place). I mention that peanut butter is one of my trigger foods (we talk about weight loss a lot and are both members of the same gym, she got me to join). My team lead, Chavonne, said it was one of hers, too. I said, “Girl, bad things happen at night with peanut butter!” She said, “You too? I wake up at midnight and think, mmmm peanut butter!” In that very moment, I felt normal. I thought I was the only person who woke up, got OUT of bed, walked to the kitchen, ate like it was not the middle of the night, and got back in the bed. Oh, how I wish I could tell you that WW cured all that and that I don’t do that type of simple shit anymore. Unfortunately, I got up last night around 1am and ate a Nature Valley Peanut, Almond, Dark Chocolate Protein Bar (5 PointsPlus). The exact same protein bar I talked myself out of a mere 3 or 4 hours prior. The same protein bar I didn’t want to eat after 9pm because I didn’t want my body to store it as fat (the Wii likes to tell me this all the time about my night snacking). Yeah, ate it. And halfway through it thought about my impending weigh-in. The worst part about it, is I got right back to sleep right after eating it. It’s a waste of having brushed my teeth earlier before going to bed (sadly, not as much for dental hygiene as to keep from eating the damn protein bar). Not to mention, I have to tell the damn trainer about it. Maybe I don’t; do I really need to be 100% honest with this man? Sigh, do y’all know that my food consumption (when, where, why, how much, etc.) is the **only** thing in my life about which I am not completely honest? My relationship with food is the one thing I worry about being judged on. People understand alcoholism and drug abuse, but folk don’t have a CLUE about food addiction and the absosmurfly crazy shit it makes you do. Like chewing up food and spitting it out because you really want to taste it, but you don’t want to for real consume the calories. That type of simple shit. Or forcing yourself to put something delectable and delicious in the trash to keep from over eating, then having to go back to the trash to pour something inedible (and possibly poisonous) on top of said deliciousness because you’d otherwise eat the shit right out of the trash. THAT’S the type of shit I’m talkin’ about. Crackheads are suckin’ dick on the corner to support their habit. Us fatties? We’re willing to eat out of the trash to support ours.

There are no less than two of my friends who are reading this and calling me a skinny heffa, not a fatty. But similar to alcoholics, I’ll always be a fat girl on the inside. And that’s wild because I started out a skinny chick. The first half of my life I was skinny. I’ve only been fat as an adult. So you would think that I was a skinny chick, trapped in a fat girl, relieved to be a skinny chick again. But no, I feel like that fat girl still lives inside of me and if given the chance, she would wreak havoc on my body. And since the possibility still exists that I may eat out of the trash or pour dish detergent on food to keep me from doing it, “us fatties” it is. Yeah, that was totally random. I feel like I’ve somehow betrayed the fatties out there who do some of the stuff I mentioned in secret. Sorry! But I promised honesty in this blog, so I had to tell.

So moving on, I’m five days from my next WW meeting where I am sure I’ll make lifetime and get my key!!!!! I have to make sure I don’t lose too much weight while at the same time losing enough to keep Capt. T off my back. And I’m pretty sure I have it on lock! So. Excited!!! I will update immediately after the meeting with a picture of my key, all of my charms, and my weigh-in sticker.

So here’s to you having a GREAT week!!! Remember, it all comes down to choice. You choose!!! (Cue India.Arie)