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I can’t believe I haven’t blogged since May! Are we serious?! Well, I have been typing word docs to upload and I guess I’ve forgotten to upload them, so let me do that NOW.


Wow, it has been quite some time since I blogged. I have a ton of stuff on my mind and I need to get it off so I figured what better to do than journal? Before I get off into my own incoherent babble, let me at least update you on what’s been going on.

Weight loss wise, not too much has changed. I have pretty much maintained and by maintained I mean I’ve yo-yo’d between 151lbs and 162lbs. I had a binge or two, and almost ended up over goal. But I got my mind right, took my gain off and then some! My last weigh-in I was 148.8 and had lost about 78lbs total since I went back to WW in 2010. I have no intention of losing any more scale weight, although I still have fat to burn. What I really want is to stay the exact same size, which is coincidentally a SIZE 6, while burning the remaining fat and replacing it with muscle. That is my plan.

This will probably be the last time I share my actual weight for a variety of reasons. I wanna start focusing on my body fat percentage more than the scale weight. I will still use the scale as a way to measure if I’m off plan, but not to measure my idea of success which is to look better naked. I also really have no desire to have the “you’re too skinny” conversation. Here it is: Monique is the only person who has to (a) live in Monique’s body and (b) see Monique naked on a daily basis. That being said, Monique is really the only person’s opinion that matters on the subject. But I am telling you, I get more unwanted and unrequested opinions about my weight/weight loss/body it’s mind boggling, really. And the majority of the comments (mostly negative) come from those who could honestly stand to shed a few pounds. Not for vanity’s sake, because it is always more about health than about the way one looks. But it never ceases to amaze me how someone who is obviously overweight tell me I’m too skinny. If I told the same person they were too fat, they would be offended. I have a soror who used to say this exact same thing, but I was fat then, so I didn’t get it. I get it now, though, boy do I get it now. The incessant questions about how much more do I want to lose, and what am I trying to do, disappear. Or my absolute favorite, “Girl, what you tryin’ to be white girl skinny?!”

Let me devote a separate paragraph to this asinine comment right here. First off, I have NEVER had a stereotypical Black girl body. Not ever. I was skinny with no butt before I gained weight. I maintained the no-butt status as a fat girl. So it should be no surprise that when I lost the weight, I still don’t have the coveted Black girl booty. I have the body Yah gave me and the most I can do is make my glutes strong, build my abs and back to create a curvy silhouette. Beyond that, I can’t be concerned. Second off, every one and any one who knows me knows that I aspire not to be a “white” anything. I am intensely proud of my Hebrew heritage, my beautiful chocolate skin, and I rock my nappy hair with pride. I have no control over my genetics. And I have ZERO intention on being unhealthy (because being overweight/thick/whatever is unhealthy) simply to be “curvy.” Sit back and think about that for a minute. You tell me what you would rather have after comparing the two. On one hand you are white girl skinny, have good health, few to no medications, energy to take care of day to day tasks, better sleep, and the potential to have a longer life and see your grandchildren. On the other hand, you are overweight and possibly obese, Black girl curvy, have mediocre to poor health, a few to a lot of medications, constant pressure from your doctor to lose weight, aching joints, no energy, poor sleep, can’t climb stairs without being out of breath, and likely to die earlier than you’d like from complications of diabetes, heart disease, and/or stroke. You make your choice, but I’ll take my genetically white girl skinny (for proof, look at my older sisters and my niece) and longevity of life. Because the way I see it, sick is not synonymous with sexy. Neither is a $60 copay for the cardiologist.

I’m so off topic, but I have to go there. Health and fitness is now a huge part of my life. I know this because of how people react to me, the things they tell me, and the things they ask me. So some of the same people who criticize my skinny also want their own personal version of skinny. Let me give you an example. I have a coworker who has never really criticized how I look, but she has criticized what I eat (you would be surprised how many unwarranted comments I get about what I eat, but that’s another blog for another day). This same coworker one day said she needed to make an appointment with her cardiologist but she was afraid to because she was scared he would admit her to the hospital. THE NEXT DAY, she collapsed at work and had to be taken to the hospital in the ambulance (huge bill), where she was admitted (another huge bill), and had to be seen by various physicians (and still more bills). That was about six months ago I guess. She has a gym membership and she goes here and there but no real commitment. A couple weeks ago we are in the bathroom at work and as she walk past the mirror she grabs her stomach and then her back fat and says, “I gotta do something about this.” Then earlier this week, I watched her microwave an ENTIRE box of sausage to eat with her Aunt Jemima omelet and some grits. When she dumped them on the plate, I asked her what she was doing. Naturally, I was appalled. I’ve never eaten a whole box of sausage and I binge. A whole box of cookies? Quite possibly. But a whole box of meat? I’ve only heard of people doing that type of crazy on the Atkins diet, but just off GP? I was amazed. She said she was making them to put in her grits. I get that; I do that. Just not with an ENTIRE box of sausage!!! So I try to tell her, she is about to eat about 5 servings and she says, “So what, I’m a big girl!” She is maybe a size 18. So I remind her, “That’s not going to help you lose the stomach and the back fat.” She says, “Oh, I know, I’m going to start my diet on . . .” and I don’t hear the date, because I mean, really, what difference does it make? She was eating an ENTIRE box of sausage as a part of her meal. A meal that she was going to eat during a FIFTEEN MINUTE BREAK. I told her to make sure she don’t fall out at work again because I’m not going to stop doing what I’m doing to call 911 for her. In essence, you are committing suicide, you want us to witness it, then you want us to call for help. That shit is dysfunctional as hell when you think about it. And this is the chick that criticizes my cashews and apples.

I have at least influenced a few people at work to start making lifestyle changes for better health. One guy (he is morbidly obese and smokes two packs of cigarettes per day) joined a gym and is trying to cut back to a pack and a half per day (you gotta start somewhere, hell, I was impressed). What happened is I typed up this paper about a personal challenge (I’ll share it with y’all) and I passed it out to a few people at work who I knew were trying to make a change or had already started. I did not give it to him or anyone else who was obese unless I had talked to them previously and knew they had some interest. I’m not gonna offend someone like that, y’know? But I was SO happy when I saw him reading the paper! I didn’t care about his weight, but he coughed so hard and so often, I wanted him to quit smoking. Him reading what I wrote gave me an opportunity to voice my concerns. He listened. We joke about it, but I know he is putting in some effort. He joined a gym and he goes!!! Impressive!

There is another guy at work who criticizes what I eat whenever he gets the chance. Y’all, please believe I am not eating crazy shit, ok? I am not re-hydrating peanut butter, for crying out loud (I’m sorry, it’s wrong, I can’t even try it). But for some reason since I am pretty much eating clean 80% of the time, packing my own meals, and not eating fast food, people think what I eat is weird or nasty. I eat A LOT of yogurt (Greek and regular) and I mix granola in it. You would think I was eating pissy snow and rocks. I have started eating a lot of salads. They say I’m eating sticks and twigs. I can’t figure these people out, lol. Anyway, the king of criticism also joined a gym and is making small changes in his eating habits. He sends me texts when he exercises and shows me his healthier breakfasts. He took the personal challenge seriously and it shows. He is proof that baby steps make a difference.

You wanna know what I think my greatest accomplishment has been in this personal challenge? It was supposed to be building more muscle so I could look like the Personal Trainer I aspire to be. As it turns out, I started eating tomatoes raw. I never had a problem with them cooked, but I don’t really like them raw. I have been a “hold the tomatoes” girl my entire life. Ask me about lycopene, I would get mine from watermelon, thank you very much. But now, I get them in my salads AND on my Subway sandwiches! Well one Subway sandwich, the Tuscan Chicken which was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! Best Subway sandwich ever! I’m gonna figure out that seasoning so I can make that chicken at home. So yeah, I eat more tomatoes. Not every day, probably not even once a week, but a whole lot more than never, that’s for sure.


Welp, it’s been over a month since my last entry. So y’all know I ran/walked the Flying Pig Half Marathon earlier this month. WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE!!! I am now hooked and will be running the Columbus Half Marathon in October.  Honestly, until today, I have totally slacked on my cardio.  So I registered for 3 races:  a 5K on June 9th, a 10K on July 4th and another 10K on July 27th.  I’m trying to run these in their entirety. I just need to find races in August, September, and the beginning of October so I can be ready to run the entire half marathon on October 21st.  So since I’m talking about running, I guess I can tell y’all about the race. I already typed it up weeks ago. 🙂

I am SO elated about my accomplishment!!!! I still can’t really believe it. Where do I begin? Friday night (5/4/12). I go out Friday night because I knew I couldn’t go out Saturday for Cinco de Mayo, I’d had a stressful week, and I needed a drink. Now, I knew this was not the best idea two days before race day, but I needed to release some stress. I’d already gone to the gym for my usual torture session with Captain T. I went out and had a few drinks. Afterward, we went to a Cincinnati chili joint and I, behaving like the old me thinking that running 13.1 miles meant I could eat what I want, ordered a double cheeseburger and fries. And I kept eating AFTER I was full. Stuffed myself and felt miserable. At 6am, I wake up with my insides coming out of both ends! It was HORRIBLE! I knew it wasn’t the liquor because alcohol never comes out of my ass! NOT EVER! I only threw up that one time, but I had the runs almost all day. I didn’t get out of the bed until 1PM and that was only because I knew I needed to go pick up my race packet. I live downtown and the packet pick-up was happening at a health expo at the Duke Energy Center. Now, remember, I’ve never done anything like this before, so I have no idea what’s in store for me. I walk about a mile and a half down there with my best friend, Clarence. We get there, and I have to ask at the information desk where to go pick up my packet. They point right inside the door to the expo, on the right. I’m worried I’ve been away from the bathroom for too long, I feel queasy, and I wanna go home. Normally, I’m all about a free expo, but that was just not the day for all that. I’m thinking I’d roll in there, grab my shit, and roll out. Yeah, no. I get to my table, where there is only one person ahead of me, and wait to get my packet. The dude at the next table over asks me, “K or L?” I’m thinking to myself, obviously not K, since I’m in the L-M line, but instead I say, “L,” thinking he will come over to the box and get my packet. He smiles and says, “Sorry, can’t help you,” then chats me up as we wait and asks me what finish time I’m shooting for. I explain that I had no clue, I was a first-timer and really just wanted to finish. Now, the truth is, I wanted to finish in three hours or less. I felt like three hours was about the limit I was willing to be out there pounding the pavement. I would prove to be right. Dude wishes me good luck as I get to the L-M box and chick in charge of said box. She pulls out a 5×8 sized envelope, shows me my bib before putting it in the envelope, puts 4 safety-pins in the envelope, then gives me some instructions and says, “Walk through the maze to get your t-shirt.” I look over and think, no problem. Mind you, when we entered this place, I had about 3300 steps. Keep that in mind. We walk and walk and walk. AND WALK. We end up having to walk through the ENTIRE expo. And while at first I was annoyed cuz I didn’t feel well, in the end, I’m glad we had to do it. As a newbie, I was intrigued at all the shit that was available for purchase. You name something you need to run a race, someone had a booth selling it: tennis shoes, shorts, skirts, tank tops, t-shirts, Flying Pig paraphernalia, socks, fancy fanny packs, energy bars, gel, gu, energy gummy candy looking stuff (Clarence tried it, I steered clear, it had funny flavors), magnets and keychains (I bought a PINK 13.1 decal for my car and a PINK keychain that says RUNNER GIRL), coffee mugs and travel mugs, and a whole host of other over-priced shit. Then of course there were other booths with health stuff, upcoming races, and who knows what else. We finally get to the end and I get my t-shirt, gym bag, and poster. Clarence kept the poster as a keepsake (I probably woulda thrown it away; wtf would I do with a poster???) and I was simply ecstatic about my gym bag! It was totally unexpected! I was happy because I needed a gym bag. So that was cool. When we left the expo there was a Flying Pig in the lobby area, so I took a picture with the pig and we walked back home. But before we left, I checked my pedometer: over 6500 steps! We walked over a mile in that expo! Whoever thought that up was genius. Every race participant had to go through that entire expo to get to the end, get all the rest of your stuff, and get your bib/timing chip scanned in to make sure your name matched your bib matched your timing chip (I assume that’s why they did it, I really have no idea). I give mad props to the person who made it through there without buying anything. In addition to my decal and keychain, I also bought energy bars. I saw tons of stuff I liked but refused to buy, but I mean, my goodness gracious, there was money made up in there that day. At any rate, home we went so I could rest, potty, then head out for dinner and last minute race item shopping. I still needed a belt thingie to hold my crap and my water.

I still had fairly loose stools (sorry for the TMI) and I tried to let it run its course, but I knew I had to run the next day, so I started drinking Gatorade and taking Pepto-bismol. We had Olive Garden for dinner (only ate about a third of my meal, but I ate more before I went to sleep); I had to carb up as best I could. I watched a movie with my friends, Clarence and Carlotta, who were coming to cheer me on the next day, then went to sleep.

Race day. My alarm was set for 4AM, but I was up by 3:30, a bundle of nerves. Before I went to sleep, I had laid everything out that I needed: t-shirt with bib already attached; packed my belt with my race registration, driver’s license, phone w/ ear buds, energy bars, extra ponytail holder, lip balm, and empty water bottle; running capris, sports bra, socks, tennis shoes, and a wash cloth. When I woke up all I had to do was dress and eat breakfast. I got a free sample of Cascadian Farm organic granola cereal at the expo and decided to have that for breakfast with some almond milk. I carried a banana with me to eat an hour before the race started. I left my apartment at 4:50AM and made my way downtown. Halfway there, I start to see other race participants walking in the same direction. The closer we got to the starting line, the more people I saw. I was glad because I wasn’t completely sure where I was supposed to be going. So I get down there and I start to look for my coworker, Meg. That was almost impossible; there were so many people! There was a live band playing and the news on a huge tv screen. It was hard to believe it was barely 5:30 in the morning because it was LOUD AS HELL. I finally find Meg and she give me the last skinny on the race. I sit down and eat my banana and wonder what this is going to be like. Then she tells me we need to get in line to use the bathroom. Wait, what? There are lines for the port-a-potties? Yes, and they are long! So we get in line and get to the front only for the soldier (yes, they had soldiers at all of the corrals, or Pig Pens) to tell us we had to go to our own corrals to use the bathroom? Oh just GTFOOH! Yes! That’s when me and Meg noticed we were in different corrals. And that’s when I got nervous. Now I had to separate from the person who knew what was about to happen. I realize it’s not rocket science, but she was my comfort in this whole thing. She was in corral E and I was in F. As we were walking to our corrals, I mentioned to her that my trainer would be running, too, but how I doubted that I’d see him among all the people. No lie, not five minutes later I see him sitting on the ground in his corral (D, I think). Wild, huh? We get to corral E and I part ways with Meg. I get to my corral, get in line for the bathroom, and think about how to pace myself. I hear someone say my name and at the same time recognize my friend and old roommate from City Year/AmeriCorps, Tam! She was in the same corral as I was! I hadn’t seen her since 1998 (other than on FB), so to say it was a joyous occasion is an understatement. First off, since I am rarely on FB, I wasn’t sure she was still coming (but I should have known since this was all her idea). She saw me as I was waiting in line at my corral! Amazing how things work out!!! It was so good to see her! We probably hugged five times, lol! There are very few people in the world who are genuine from the first time you meet them and forever after. Tam is one of those people, a purely good soul. Seeing and talking to her helped me get my mind off of how to pace myself.

Since before the race, I had been wondering how to pace myself. It’s so easy on the treadmill; you set the speed and run. But I knew when I ran outside that I ran faster than I did on the treadmill because I got tired faster and covered more distance in shorter amounts of time. But I didn’t know how to slow down and stay steady. Now I was wondering should I run at pace with the women I decided to do the race with? What if they ran faster than me and I couldn’t keep up? What if I ran faster than them? Welp, didn’t matter with my coworker, Meg, since she was placed in a different corral. Meg is a marathon runner, so I figured I wouldn’t see her until the end since I didn’t think I’d ever catch up with her. But once the race started, and I was asking myself, what have I gotten myself into as me and Tam started running, it dawned on me how very personal this was. I, and only I, could get myself across that finish line. I knew I had to run at my own pace. I couldn’t worry about catching up with Meg, and I couldn’t worry about keeping pace with Tam. I had to run at my own pace and see if my training (or lack thereof since I hadn’t really done any long runs) had prepared me for this.

At 6:30AM I hear the gun sound, but there are so many people that at first we walk, then run, then start walking again. Finally there is ample room and we are able to actually run. I crossed the START line at approximately 6:40AM. As the there is more room, we all fall into our respective paces, and I leave Tam behind. I decide to do what Capt. T always said to do and that was to run as long as I could then walk to recover and start over. I knew that since I wasn’t 100% there was no way I would be able to run for as long as I usually do, and I was right. I ran for ten minutes then walked for 5 pretty much the whole race. Some time after mile 3 I ran for 23 minutes, but that was the longest stretch. The rest were 10-minute intervals. It was around this time that I saw my favorite t-shirt of the day. There was a short, older man in front of me. The back of his shirt had bullet points that said, 50, Fat, Diabetic, Ahead of you. I laughed out loud when I read it! I was not able to pass this man!!! I was behind him the entire race! How about that! LOL!

The hills were harder than I thought. Miles 5 through 8 were a gradual uphill climb through Eden Park that was no where near as gradual as the elevation picture led me to believe. I had to walk up a lot of that part. But this stretch of the race held my favorite part and that was the view from Eden Park over the Ohio River and into Kentucky. It was GORGEOUS!!! I wish I had been walking through that part to enjoy it more, but it was fairly flat, so I was running (I drove back up later that day to show Clarence). I was passing the mile markers at a fairly steady pace. At mile 6 I stopped to walk so I could eat an energy bar. I think it was a peanut butter Balance Bar. It was good! I had filled my water bottle in my belt with Gatorade, so I washed it down with that. Which, since I’m talking about it, was heavy to have in the belt. I ended up running with it in my hand after this point. Not sure I’ll carry that next time. It was cumbersome.

I thought when I got to mile 8 that I would run the last five miles and be done in an hour. Yeah, no. When I got to mile 8, I was not tired. I had the energy and lung capacity to run the last five miles. My knees and hips, on the other hand, did not have five miles of continuous running in them. It was disconcerting, to say the least. My mind kept saying to push through the pain, but I was like, WTF for? Just get across the finish line so you can go home! So I kept to the 10/5 split of running and walking. I got to mile 10, my hips were screaming and my big toes hurt! I made a mental note for the next race to remember to clip my toenails. I just kept hoping both of my toenails were still attached to my big toes. [SIDEBAR: Had I done a long run of any kind, I may have seen this coming. This whole exercise thing is not conducive to nails of any kind, obviously. I notice in my strength training workouts that I need to clip my fingernails. Should’ve done long runs, clipped my nails, and so far I’ve neglected to do so because I’m vain and look what it got me, sore toes. END OF SIDEBAR]

At mile 11 I felt like the mile markers were way further apart than they were in the beginning. I was tired and just pushing myself to keep running as much as possible. The more I ran, the faster I’d be done with this torturous ass undertaking. So I would run for five minutes before I was in so much pain I felt like I had to stop, but stopping to walk hurt , too. So I’d only walk for a minute or so before I had to start running again to alleviate the pain of walking. I overheard two girls discussing their pains in their right toes. Then I overheard two different women wondering if it would hurt less overall to just keep running and not stop to walk at all anymore. Their conversations were the same as the ones I was having with myself. Funny how by then everyone is thinking the exact same things. I had to keep talking myself out of walking the rest of the way. I saw the marker for mile 12 on the other side of the street. After the turnaround, I’d only be a mile away from the end! There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I go around the turnaround and I swear that mile 12 marker moved further down the street! ARGH!!!!! I walk until I get to the mile marker, and I smell what? CANNABIS! It smelled wonderful! So anyway, I start running again. I can only go about three minutes at a time at this point. I don’t feel bad, either, because there is a dude who looks fairly fit next to me doing the same thing. The closer we get to the finish line, the more people there are along the side lines.  I’m pretty sure this was the longest mile I’ve ever run in my life. With about half a mile left, I decide I’m not walking anymore. I’m pain and I just want to be done with this and go home and lay down. Then I see the FINISH line. I WAS ALMOST DONE!!!!! I think I even picked up a little speed.  To my right, there was a dude handing out cups of BEER! And people were stopping to take it! And then it happened:  I CROSSED THE FINISH LINE! ME! The girl who used to be fat and NEVER ran! ME!!! I cheered and pumped my fist in the air. And I kept running. I had to make myself stop so I could get my medal. How about that? I finished in 2:53:33!!! Under 3 hours!!! WootWoot!!!

Then there was the Trough or refueling station. Y’all, I expected bagels and bananas. There was a FEAST! There were oranges, apples, bananas, fruit cups, Go-gurt, Doritos, DONUTS, and some other stuff. DONUTS, though? I’m like, I’m not eatin’ that shit.  Yeah, I was all elitist that day, but two weeks later was stuffing my face with all manner of shit, including donuts. But I digress. The point is they had healthy stuff and unhealthy stuff.  I grabbed stuff for me and for my fans waiting at the end.  They didn’t get anything unhealthy either. It was good to see Reuben at the end of it all, but you know what he said to me? He said, “Hi, Mommy! Can we leave now?” Yeah, he wasn’t impressed, but I thought of him a lot during the race to help me get to the finish line. So even if he didn’t grasp how grand an event it was for Mommy, I was glad he was there. We started eating, and I had my son’s father hold my hand to help me lower to the ground. Yeah, trying to sit on my own was way too painful. Every joint from my waist down was INFLAMED. I sat down, ate my fruit, then was ready to make our way to the car. My goodness gracious, it was a country mile! There was another lady who said they need to make it 15.1 miles to include walking back to the car. Totally agreed! All I could think of was how I couldn’t wait to put my PINK 13.1 magnet on my car when I got home. That and an Epsom salt bath. Could not WAIT for the Epsom salt bath.

I talk to Meg the next day so we could share our experiences, aches, and pains, she said to me, “You know why I had to fall back? Girl, you were running at a 9.5 minute mile!” I was like, “Meg, no way! How do you know that?!” She has a GPS watch that give her the pace at which she’s running. When I caught up to her, and she ran with me, the watch gave her the pace. I was amazed! I will look into that and Nike chips if they work with Android phones.

So that’s my half marathon story.  Looking forward to my next one in Columbus.  Today Captain T mentioned that he got bored and burned out on running so since the half marathon, he’s been riding his bike more. I have been thinking about buying a bike when I buy Reuben a new bike so we can ride together. Still just thinking about it. This time around I am going to try Spinning as a part of my cross training. But for real, I love walking and running. I hate the elliptical and I never even get on the bike.  I will do the stairmaster, but that’s only really because I want to try one of those skyscraper climbs next year. I think I’ll look into climbing the Carew Tower here in Cincinnati. I’ll keep y’all posted on that.

Hopefully it won’t be another month before I update again. 🙂 Have a great week!


Let me tell y’all how Captain Torture set me up for the okey doke. I show up at the gym last Friday evening for my second strength training session of the week. I get there, I’m on my way to the scale and Capt. T stops me and says, “I have some good news and I have some bad news. The bad news is I got stuck with a new appointment. The good news is I have another trainer here who can do your workout.” I’m flexible, so I say that’s no problem. He introduces me to Lt. KMA (Kick My Ass) and says to him, “She has no injuries, she can do full body workouts, so you can . . .” Then he starts fumbling looking for what to say. Finally he smiles and looks at me then looks back at Lt. KMA and says, “Basically, you can kill her.” I was floored. Really, Captain Torture? Did you really just tell dude to kill me? I couldn’t believe he did me like that. So I weighed in and was down 1lb since the Friday before last (Capt. T wants me to lose 2lbs a week, but I lost 3 last week, so it averages out). We go into the training room where Capt. T is training his other client and I’m like, “Oh, so I can’t lie or complain because I’m still training in front of Mark. Great.” I was only half kidding. So dude prepares to Kick My Ass. He takes me to the back of the room and gets the box step thingie that is a little more than a foot high. He proceeds to tell me to do the one thing I have been dreading this whole time: jump on the box. FUCK!!! I was wondering when Capt. T would introduce plyometrics and I just haven’t been looking forward to it. I’m afraid of jumping because I have bad knees, I’m afraid of falling, and I’m afraid of getting hurt. I did not want to jump on that fuckin’ step. I jumped up three times then I couldn’t do it anymore. I just could not make myself jump anymore. So he said I could use an aerobic step instead. We went over to it and it was too low, so it was too easy to jump on. We kept adding risers until it was a little shorter than the box step. Then I started the jumps. That shit right there? EXHAUSTING! I did that for 1 minute then he set 50lbs on the box step and had me push it across the room and back twice. Then I had to do more box jumps, then 20 squats with a shoulder press, then push the 50lbs across and back some more. Then, he gave me a 15 second break. I was SO happy! Capt T doesn’t really do breaks, you have to get them in where you can fit them in. So I grab a swig of water and it goes down the wrong pipe cuz I am gulping for air and drinking, so I start to choke. Lt. KMA did not miss a beat and did not care that I was choking. He kept on explaining how to do the next exercise, got his phone so he could start his bitch ass timer, then asked if I was ready to go. I squeaked out that I was and continued to let him kill me. He had me doing high knees and then dropping to do a push-up, side jumps over jump ropes, more squats with a medicine ball toss, then more box jumps (he said I was gonna be a pro at box jumps, *snort*), and pushing the 50lbs across the room some more. That workout literally kicked my ass. I was SO happy to be done. It was vastly different from the workouts I do with Capt. T, my heart rate was MUCH higher with Lt. KMA, but I feel like I work my muscles to more exhaustion with Capt. T. Equally good workouts, just very different. But when I tell y’all there were at least two times that I thought I was going to die, I did. One was of course when I was choking (that bama ain’t even ask if I was alright) and then there was a time when I thought my heart was going to pop out of my throat. I really did. My body didn’t hurt like it does after a workout with Capt. T, except for my back muscles between my shoulder blades. But when I walked out of that gym, my legs felt like spaghetti. It was a good workout, but I kinda feel like Capt. T owes me for that one, for real. How you just gon’ tell dude to kill me? And he really did try!

So that was my little near death experience. I still enjoyed my workout, and I am looking forward to my next one today. Couldn’t weigh in Sunday since it was a holiday and WW was closed. I weighed in on the Wii and it had me about 3lbs down since Sunday before last. Finally a real loss! My eating hasn’t been the best, but I’m hoping I am still the same as Sunday or lower. People at work are noticing that I’m smaller than I was when I started the job at the end of November. I actually have only lost maybe 5lbs since I started, but I think I’ve lost some inches. I’ll ask Capt. T today when we’ll be taking my measurements next. I’m interested in seeing if my %bf has changed. I think before it was 28 or 29. I was just happy it was under 30. I’ll keep y’all posted on that.

Not much else is going on. Didn’t get my long run in last weekend, and this weekend is my birthday. I’ll be 38. I am in better shape at 38 than I was at 28. Hell, I’m in better shape today than I was when I was 19 years old! A BITCH IS BAD, OK?! By the time I turn 40? I’ll be in better shape than when I was 20. It feels GOOD!!!!

Hope you’re having a great week! #stayfit #keepmoving

I guess that’s all for today. Here’s to a great week!

13.1? Here I Come!!!

I finally registered for the Flying Pig Half-Marathon! My very first half-marathon, 13.1 miles. It is exactly one month from tomorrow. I’m so excited! My training is coming along ok. Today I ran for 30 minutes straight on the treadmill! I am so happy with my progress. When I run outside, I can only run for about 20 minutes at a time. I think it’s because I run faster when I’m not on the treadmill because I don’t really know how to pace myself. I dunno. I only have three more weeks to train because I’m not supposed to run the week before the race.

In other news, I am still at my goal weight. I had gained a little bit last month, but thankfully I got it off before weighing in on April 1st. I’ve changed my weigh-in day to Sundays since that is my off day. Even though I’m Lifetime (I still can’t believe that), I’m still going to weigh-in every week.

My training with Captain T is coming along well, too. The workouts are getting a little more challenging, but I like them. I like them so much, I added some sessions to my year-long contract. I’m getting hooked! And I’m starting to see results! I can see muscles in my arms! One of my friends noticed, too. It’s definitely motivation to keep it up. Since I now see Capt. T twice a week, I only have to strength train by myself one day a week, and that day is Sunday. Totally doable.

That’s as much of an update as I have time for today. I hope everyone is having a great week! Stay healthy and KEEP MOVING!!!

Quick Update

So I haven’t been to the gym since Saturday. Combination of laziness and poor planning. Didn’t even exercise at home. I did walk at work and tried to clear 10k steps each day. Still, my weight is up a little bit. I meet with Capt T today and I’m not looking forward to the conversation about my weight and what I’ve been eating and how I haven’t exercised this week. But I have to do it. I talked to my boss’ boss today about how he stays motivated and committed to stay fit. He told me what I already knew: you have to make it a priority. He travels a lot and makes sure to find the hotel gym and if there isn’t one, he does push-ups & sit-ups (100 each) in his hotel room. No matter how late it is, he still makes time for the gym, even if it’s 11pm. He said he sometimes does 2-a-days, early morning and again in the evening or at night. I need to re-commit. If I fail to meet my goals, it’s because I’M SLACKING. There is no other EXCUSE; I either do it or I don’t. So I choose to JUST DO IT!

More later. I’m on lunch and just wanted to do a super quick update. Hope y’all are having a better week than I am!!! Make it an even better weekend! Keep moving! (said in my Dori voice)


I weighed in on Tuesday since my hours changed at work again. I weighed in 1lb over goal, so still within 2lbs for the 6th week in a row. I AM A LIFETIME MEMBER OF WEIGHT WATCHERS!!! So excited, but no time to blog because I’m on the plantation. I’ll update much more this weekend at some point.

Remind me to tell y’all how I ran for THIRTY MINUTES the other day!!!! And about my last workout with Capt. T. Whew!

Have a great week!!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Each day brings a small miracle. Today’s? I ran for . . . wait for it . . . SEVENTEEN MINUTES!!!!! Yes, I did! ME! The girl who use to be serious about only running if I was being chased by a dog. Not even a person, only if it were an animal that could harm me. Otherwise, damn all that, I was walking. I don’t want you to think this was my philosophy as a fat girl, oh no. This was my philosophy my ENTIRE LIFE! As a kid, I hated games like hide & seek or tag or duck-duck-goose. I have NEVER liked to run. Not ever. I always thought it was pointless. I guess I’ve always been lightweight lazy. Whatever. And so what? Like Whitney said in Waiting to Exhale, I’m not anymore! Anyway, yes, your girl ran for 17 minutes. And (cue Usher) I have a confession: I probably could have run longer, but I rationalized that if I did, Capt. T would make me run even longer the next time and my thighs were ON FIRE!!! I for real for real wanted to stop at 15 minutes since that was my personal goal and one minute longer than what Capt. T told me to try for. BI-WINNING, right? Right! Welp, at the 15-minute mark, I felt I could go longer, so I kept going. I almost stopped at 16.5 minutes, but I wanted to be able to tell Capt. T that he was, after all, right; I actually could run for 17 minutes straight. I just knew that getting to 17 minutes was a struggle, so going longer and then next run having to go even longer? I can’t fathom that right now. I understand that that’s how this whole thing works, you add a little bit of time to each run. I get it, I do. But seeing as how so much of it is mental, I need to get my mind right. I can’t even believe I ran for 17 minutes. He’s gonna tell me to try for 21 next time, I know it. And because I want to make him proud and like I’m an efficient use of his time, I’ll do my damnedest to do it. I am super excited about my 17 minutes! I mean, do y’all realize what this means?! I CAN RUN A MILE!!! Wait, I can run further than a mile! Hold up, lemme do a little math . . . Oh emm gee. I can run 1.4 miles. That’s almost a mile and a half!!!!! Non-stop! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!!! Can you believe it? Cuz I shole can’t believe it! It has been a long time since I’ve felt such a sense of pride and accomplishment in myself. I’m feeling really good about this whole gym experience. I even did my weight training after my run!

So I already know my arms are gonna be fucked again tomorrow. See, what had happened was, I went to the gym without my training log. I’m still new at this, so I forget stuff every time I go to the gym. Last time I forgot my shower shoes. That totally sucked cuz I couldn’t NOT take a shower; I had to go to work. I was skeeved out the whole time. There is no other word to describe how I felt. Just eww. So today, it’s not until it’s time for me to start the CrossFit circuits that I realize I don’t have my training log. I was also at a different branch, so I didn’t have access to my folder where Capt. T wrote everything down. So I first had to scout out where everything was. I was hoping the group fitness room would be empty so I could be mostly alone, but there were classes going on. This branch doesn’t have a Ladies Only room, so that was also out. I had to do my CrossFit circuits in the open. Which is how I do them at the other branch, but I’m with Capt. T, so it’s different. I’m no different from any one else who just started strength training: I’m nervous and I don’t want to be watched! I feel like a little kid playing grown-up in the gym. And now? I had no choice but to do this entire workout by myself, in front of everyone. That totally sucked. I hate the feeling of being watched. But I had to get over that because the alternative was not doing my workout, and that simply is not an option. So I went to the front desk to get a pen and some scrap paper, then I went to a table and wrote down what I could remember off the workout we did the other day. I remembered all the exercises: reverse lunges with a kick, squat-bicep curl-shoulder press, plank rows (1st circuit, 15 reps of each exercise, done twice), step up on platform & kick, triceps kickbacks (2nd circuit, done twice), x-mens (for 30secs), chest press on the machine, and leg lifts (last circuit, done twice). What I got wrong was the weight. Last time I used 12.5lbs for everything except the triceps kickbacks; I used 10lbs for those. I made a mistake today and used only 10lbs for my plank rows, too. Then their chest press machine was different, too. You would think each gym would have all the same equipment, right? I guess not. I was supposed to do the machine on 30lbs and that was the only exercise Capt. T allowed me to do only 12 reps on because I said it was heavy. He has a heart. *snort* Well, at the branch I went to today, the lowest weight was 50lbs. Now, I ask you, where in the hell do they do that at??? Every machine I have ever seen starts at 10lbs. How the fuck you gon’ start at 50? But I sat my ass down and did the damn 2 sets of 12 reps. My arms already hurt. I know tomorrow ain’t gon’ be nothin’ nice in the biceps department. I did the workout, in front of everyone. What I’m most proud of is that I asked a lot of questions today. The lady at the front desk was so helpful and not at all impatient. When it came time for the platform step up thingies, the one that’s about a foot high (I guess) looked kinda short, but the next largest size looked impossible. And it was, I tried, but not before asking one of the trainers if all the branches had the same equipment so I could see if this taller platform really was the one I was supposed to use. So I’m proud of completing my run, I’m proud of completing my CrossFit workout (it took me 40 minutes and I think it should have only taken 30, but I took more breaks than Capt. T allows), I’m proud that I asked questions, I’m proud I walked around the gym to see where everything was to familiarize myself with the facility (didn’t see the play room, though), and I’m proud I didn’t allow my mild social anxiety to paralyze me with fear about doing my workout out in the open. So when I finished that final leg lift? I was happy as hell it was over, I was tired as hell, and I felt . . . triumphant. I walked into the locker room, and I did a fist pump in the air. GO, ME!!! YAAAAY, ME!!!

That one small victory let me know that I am in it to win it! I will look better naked! My shoulders will look fuckin’ fabulous in my tank tops this summer! My upper thighs will not look so nasty! I WILL HAVE ABS!!!!! Yes!!! I am committed and nothing, and I mean NOTHING, will get in the way of me meeting my goals. Oh yeah, I got this!!! And it is nothing short of a miracle, trust me. This person I’ve turned into? This isn’t even the person I was last year, let alone when I started WW. This isn’t my first gym membership, but this is the very first time I’ve ever taken it so seriously. And actually doing a strength training workout that killed all by myself with only me to cheer myself on? Hell, I impressed my damn self! That let me know that I will continue. Not just until my birthday, not just until I start to see results, this is my lifestyle. And while I complain about going to the gym or meeting with Captain Torture, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

NSV: I had a rough morning today. I was late to work, didn’t have time to get coffee (and no coffee puts me in a foul mood), and for some reason unbeknownst to me, I didn’t pack enough food for lunch and snacks. In hindsight, maybe I just wished I had more food because I wanted to eat more. I can realize now when I want to eat out of emotion, and today was one of those days. I can’t always stop myself from doing it (mmm, chinese buffet), but I can at least recognize it’s happening. Today I wanted to eat. I ate candy (4 now-&-laters, two tootsie rolls, 2 fun size packs of chewy sweet-tarts, and a peppermint) before lunch, hell, before my first break at 11am. I ate all that candy before 11am. That’s a damn shame. At 11am, when I went on break, I ate a bag of Doritos. And here is my Non-Scale Victory: this dude looked at the bag, then at me, then said, “I can’t believe you eatin’ Doritos! Can you eat Doritos on your diet?! You eatin’ Doritos!” He was for real proud of me for eating some junk food, LOL! Now, he is crazy, like for real could be a comedian and get paid. He always says I eat dirt and sticks. One day I had gone to Whole Foods and got food off of their hot food bar. You know you put it in the little box made out of recycled paper, so it looks like cardboard? He was like, “Lawd, now she eatin’ out of a cardboard box.” For the record, the food was good as hayle! But the point is, these people think I am such a healthy eater because I almost never eat junk food at work. There is a Popeye’s damn near next door and people go there EVERY DAY! I’m not exaggerating, every day. I pack my lunch most days. The worst thing he’d seen me eat was Cheez-its (he said even Chipotle was healthy; I guess so if you eatin’ fried chicken every day). So the fact that he (and a couple other people) were shocked to see me eat Doritos let me know that I really have made a lifestyle change. I’m not one of the people who talks about going to the gym or eating better, I’m actually doing it. And it feels GOOD!

Again, I’ve been typing up my blogs at home in a word doc to C & P once I get to the internet. So here is the update from my weigh-in on Wednesday. I will be uploading a couple more entries right after this one.
Today I weighed in at exactly the same weight I weighed in at last week, 162.8. I have one more week until I get my key charm for my WW keychain! Lifetime, I’m comin’ to join ya, honey! This was the first time I’d been to my regular meeting in a while. I changed my schedule at work to ensure I could make my meeting and this is the first time I actually made it (last week I was at the gym with Cap’n T), albeit 10 minutes late. I get there, disrobe (I always wear my weigh-in clothes under my real clothes), and get on the scale. After I get off and start gathering all my shit (I take off EVERYTHING: pedometer, shoes, jewelry, etc), this lady comes up to me and says, “Ohmygod, how much have you lost? You look great!” I had no idea; I had to pull out my weight record: 64.6lbs, I told her. She gasped and her eyes got big and she said again, “You really look great!” I felt good and bad at the same time. Now, the majority of my meeting is made up of senior citizen women, some Lifetime, some struggling with the plan. This woman was still OP, but obviously (by her look of surprise that I’d lost and almost resignation that she simply has not) not losing. I understand that it gets harder to lose the weight as you get older. I also understand that it is probably harder to change your habits at an older age as well. Even still, I know FOR ABSOLUTE FACT that if you work the plan (*truly* work the plan: stay within your daily points target, track EVERYTHING you eat, follow the Good Health Guidelines, and exercise), you will lose weight. So when people say they can’t lose weight and they don’t know what they are doing wrong, I do: they aren’t on plan. They say they are, but they have no idea how many points they are really consuming because they aren’t tracking their food. It’s like balancing your checkbook in your head – a really bad idea that always turns into disaster. Or they aren’t drinking enough water. Or they aren’t eating enough points. OR NOT EXERCISING! There has to be something. You can’t tell me you are following the plan to an absolute T and just not losing weight. I reject that. I’m a closet eater, so I know how easy it is to say you are following the plan when you know damn well you are off plan in secret. I know how easy it is to try to track in my head and completely lose track of what I’ve eaten. I remember how I went an entire month of gaining weight every week and the week that I tracked? I lost weight! I just know that if I can lose all this weight (and I still have issues with my eating habits), I’m pretty sure that anybody can do this. ANYBODY. Yeah, anybody includes you, too. Yes, YOU.

Random non-sequitor: A girl at my job said something today that secretly made me feel normal. The HR lady is a Girl Scout leader and y’all know it’s cookie season. I will have you all know that I haven’t purchased any GS cookies in a few YEARS! I think the last time I did I was either pregnant, or Reuben was a newborn, so over three years ago. That right there? Big accomplishment. Huge! Anyway, one of my coworkers, Shelly, had bought some Do-Si-Do’s, the peanut butter sandwich cookies. Not every council still sells them, and they are one of my fave (top three faves in this order: Thin Mints, Trefoils, Dosido’s, with the Lemon creams and/or snaps coming in a very close 4th place). I mention that peanut butter is one of my trigger foods (we talk about weight loss a lot and are both members of the same gym, she got me to join). My team lead, Chavonne, said it was one of hers, too. I said, “Girl, bad things happen at night with peanut butter!” She said, “You too? I wake up at midnight and think, mmmm peanut butter!” In that very moment, I felt normal. I thought I was the only person who woke up, got OUT of bed, walked to the kitchen, ate like it was not the middle of the night, and got back in the bed. Oh, how I wish I could tell you that WW cured all that and that I don’t do that type of simple shit anymore. Unfortunately, I got up last night around 1am and ate a Nature Valley Peanut, Almond, Dark Chocolate Protein Bar (5 PointsPlus). The exact same protein bar I talked myself out of a mere 3 or 4 hours prior. The same protein bar I didn’t want to eat after 9pm because I didn’t want my body to store it as fat (the Wii likes to tell me this all the time about my night snacking). Yeah, ate it. And halfway through it thought about my impending weigh-in. The worst part about it, is I got right back to sleep right after eating it. It’s a waste of having brushed my teeth earlier before going to bed (sadly, not as much for dental hygiene as to keep from eating the damn protein bar). Not to mention, I have to tell the damn trainer about it. Maybe I don’t; do I really need to be 100% honest with this man? Sigh, do y’all know that my food consumption (when, where, why, how much, etc.) is the **only** thing in my life about which I am not completely honest? My relationship with food is the one thing I worry about being judged on. People understand alcoholism and drug abuse, but folk don’t have a CLUE about food addiction and the absosmurfly crazy shit it makes you do. Like chewing up food and spitting it out because you really want to taste it, but you don’t want to for real consume the calories. That type of simple shit. Or forcing yourself to put something delectable and delicious in the trash to keep from over eating, then having to go back to the trash to pour something inedible (and possibly poisonous) on top of said deliciousness because you’d otherwise eat the shit right out of the trash. THAT’S the type of shit I’m talkin’ about. Crackheads are suckin’ dick on the corner to support their habit. Us fatties? We’re willing to eat out of the trash to support ours.

There are no less than two of my friends who are reading this and calling me a skinny heffa, not a fatty. But similar to alcoholics, I’ll always be a fat girl on the inside. And that’s wild because I started out a skinny chick. The first half of my life I was skinny. I’ve only been fat as an adult. So you would think that I was a skinny chick, trapped in a fat girl, relieved to be a skinny chick again. But no, I feel like that fat girl still lives inside of me and if given the chance, she would wreak havoc on my body. And since the possibility still exists that I may eat out of the trash or pour dish detergent on food to keep me from doing it, “us fatties” it is. Yeah, that was totally random. I feel like I’ve somehow betrayed the fatties out there who do some of the stuff I mentioned in secret. Sorry! But I promised honesty in this blog, so I had to tell.

So moving on, I’m five days from my next WW meeting where I am sure I’ll make lifetime and get my key!!!!! I have to make sure I don’t lose too much weight while at the same time losing enough to keep Capt. T off my back. And I’m pretty sure I have it on lock! So. Excited!!! I will update immediately after the meeting with a picture of my key, all of my charms, and my weigh-in sticker.

So here’s to you having a GREAT week!!! Remember, it all comes down to choice. You choose!!! (Cue India.Arie)

It’s been a long time . . .

I shouldn’t have left you, without a dope blog to step to! Hey y’all! Sorry I have been sooo out of touch, but I’m gonna try to do better. I know I say that all the time, but I’m serious this time. Lots been going on, but at the same time, not really anything at all. I am still without the internet at home (still on a strict budget and cable, internet, and smartphone are still at the bottom of the list), so I’ve been trying to keep track of block topics in my workout journal. I even typed up a an entry, so I’ll copy & paste it here:

February 12, 2012. 62 days before my birthday. All of a sudden I wanted to say a million things at once. No idea how to begin this blog, lol. Let’s cover time. I’ve spent the past few weeks kinda sorta focused on my goals. Feel me? Half-assed strength training. Not documenting anything. Not walking/running until a few days ago. What happened a few days ago? I joined a gym, for a variety of reasons. One, I have zero intention of walking or running in the cold and most certainly not in the snow. I prefer to walk outside as opposed to on a treadmill, absolutely, but not when it’s cold. If I am going to be serious about my training, I had to either buy a treadmill or join a gym. I chose the gym (obviously). Two, I miss my zumba class, and wanted to have access to group fitness classes. Bookmark Minute Mayhem. Third, I have next to no arm strength. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hold your body weight up when you have next to no arm strength? I need some assistance, so I need weight machines. Specifically, the assisted pull-up contraption. It trips me out, it really does, because I can see muscles in my arms and shoulders where I’m pretty sure there were none before. My skeleton had water balloons attached to it, not muscles. But these are muscles I have now, but still no strength in my arms. How does that work, exactly? I don’t know, but I know I need help.

Ok, so Minute Mayhem. Minute Mayhem is a class at my gym. I was told that it was a class where they did a different exercise every minute. While the word ‘mayhem’ fucked with my head, I figured I could do anything for a minute. Even if the class was 45 minutes long. I could do 45 anythings. It seemed like a fun way to torture myself and I was sure that some of my favorites that I hate to do but love nonetheless (mountain climbers, squats) would be included. And while I was right, and it was exactly what was explained to me, it was NOT fun. It was kind of boring! And the instructor talked to fuckin’ much about shit that had nothing to do with anything: her job, the weather, Valentine’s day, and on and on. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. You’re supposed to be counting reps or telling me to breathe or telling me to engage my abs or something fuckin’ useful, for cryin’ out loud. This random chitter chatter? Grated my last friggin’ nerve. Why was it so boring? The class is 45 minutes long and I’m pretty sure the first 30 minutes went like this: one minute each of jumping rope, squats with shoulder press, jumping jacks, flying angels, triceps press with calf raise, jumping rope, forward/backward lunges with alternating bicep curls, repeat. No rest in between. Boring, boring, boring. But by no means does boring mean it didn’t kick my ass. It showed me exactly how out of shape I really am. I mean, because these were simple moves, done using 5lb weights. FIVE pounds. I think I was supposed to alternate between my heavy weights and my light weights (3lbs), but she never said, so I always grabbed the 5lb weights. She was not a good instructor, at least not for me. Anyway, by the time she threw in mountain climbers, I was whipped! And calling her all kinds of bitches and hoes under my breath. Then there were squats then jump in the air. Bitch. Then she thought I was going to do a burpee? Bitch PLEASE. I was not prepared for all the fuckin’ jumpin’ around. She was lucky I was jumping up in the air from a squat. I just didn’t have a burpee in me. Then, THEN, the trick calls out push-ups. You. Can’t. Even. Be. Serious. You can’t be serious! You have KILLED my arms for 30 minutes and now you want me to do a push-up? Oh, no, I’m sorry, you want me to do push-upS, plural, for one minute. GTFOOH. I tried. No go. I tried to modify it into a girl push-up. But my knees hurt because we didn’t have mats yet. Again, no go. I was cussin’ her out in my head. Perky bitch. And I was angry, so angry, that I couldn’t do this stuff. I have lost over 65 pounds and I still am completely and totally out of shape and weak. I was simultaneously embarrassed that I couldn’t keep up and happy that I was even in the class in the first place. The next time she came to push-ups in the circuit, I did a shoulder press instead. Then I did planks. Then it was time to cool down with running in place and then it was time for the next class, 15 minutes of Flat Belly 101. She literally called out stretches 5 seconds after the other. While we were getting our mats for the ab workout. Yeah, really. I won’t even detail the ab workout. Suffice it to say, I couldn’t keep up with it. While I don’t think I’ll be going to her class anymore, I will try the class at a different gym and maybe see if the other instructors do it differently. If she had tossed in the push-ups, mountain climbers, and squat bursts earlier on, with some different cardio, too, it would have been so much better. I got a damn good workout, my entire body is SORE AS HELL, but the class was boring and she was annoying.

I bought a book on clean eating. I tried to find Tosca Reno’s books at Half Price Books and could not! I went to two different ones. I’m going to try one more store and I hope they have them. If not, I’ll have to look on Amazon. At any rate, I bought a book called Clean Up Your Diet by Max Tomlinson. It’s a good book, and he even has these diets in the book to help with either detox, digestion, and energy. I took the little quiz, and the energy boost was the one I needed (no surprise there).


47 days until my birthday. So the week after I went to Minute Mayhem, I met with the trainer at the gym closest to my job. I dreaded this meeting. I was nervous as all get out and quite possibly intimidated. I say quite possibly because I’m never really intimidated by anything, so I’m not completely sure exactly how intimidation feels. All I know is, I did not want to go meet this man. I get there and he was nice enough. Let’s call him Captain T, the T standing for Torture. So he was nice and pleasant, which is not exactly what I was expecting. I don’t know what I was expecting, but nice and pleasant wasn’t it. I told him what I wanted to work on (lose flab/fat, tone muscle, gain strength and endurance, have more energy) and that I’d tried ST using my body weight, but was too weak to support my body. I told him I was especially weak in my arms. So we jumped right into it. He had me warm up for five minutes on the elliptical, then we went into the workout. We started with TRX, which I’d never done before, but I’d seen it used outside a few times (the cables were hooked to a tall fence, this was actually during the WW Walk-It Challenge last year). I found it wholly interesting that he had me start pulling my body weight when I had JUST told this man I had no arm strength. On TRX we did rows, triceps exercise, squats, chest press, curls, another tricep exercise (I forget what they were), and one more, but I forget. I know there were 6 exercises that we did. Then we went to what I guess is the training room where he had me pick up 10lb (sometimes 12.5lb, but I forget what weight I used for which exercises) dumbbells and do walking lunges across the floor with bicep curls, squats with shoulder press, squats with kettlebell pull up (25lb kettlebell), chest press on the stability ball, and squats on the Bosu ball (no weights). My balance is sooooo nonexistent! I was shaking CONSTANTLY while on that Bosu ball! I SO want to buy one so I can practice at home. This was the first thing I asked him to demonstrate because I wanted to see what it was supposed to look like before I embarrassed myself. He was not shaky AT ALL, not even a little bit. Me? 10 on the Richter scale, for sure. But I did them, without falling, while he stood next to me to spot me. I vowed to myself to play more balance games on the Wii when I had the time. He had me step up on the little square step, kind of a side shuffle step. Let me also say here that he told me he would teach me how to maximize my time. He wasn’t lying. During the entire workout, maybe 30 minutes, he allowed me to rest maybe 3 times, for about 10 seconds each time. He just had me go from one exercise right into the next right into the next. We also did a grip of core exercises: V crunches (leg lifts w/ toe touch), planks, planks with one-arm row, planks with triceps extension, side plank with twist, and side plank with a leg lift. That last one, I didn’t ask him to demonstrate, I made him do it to prove it was possible. Because when he asked me to lift my leg in the air, I tried, and it did not move. I mean, not AT ALL. So I figured this was a bogus request. Squatting on the Bosu ball was damn near impossible, but I was still able to kind of do the squats. This request I couldn’t fulfill at all. My leg was like dead weight covered in cement. Y’all, this man got into a side plank and said, “It’s all about hip strength,” and lifted his leg effortlessly. That’s when I realized the problem: I had no clue how to activate my hip muscle to lift my leg in the air. I was actually trying to lift my foot. After he proved it was possible, I decided to try it again, but it took some serious mental concentration. I was able to do three. I want to improve upon that so badly! I had no idea my hips were so weak!

I wish I could explain how totally conflicted I am. I feel weak to be so “small.” I feel like I’m a phony; here I am, 60-some odd-pounds lighter than I was when I started WW, and I’m just as weak as I was when I started. My body isn’t really transformed; it’s just a smaller version of my former self, weaknesses included. Even still, I take great pride in my body and what it’s able to do. Had I tried doing this workout last year, I would have demanded time to rest between exercises. I would have struggled with the workout. I would have physically not been able to do some of the exercises. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to hold a plank long enough to do rows and twists and three whole leg lifts. And I never would have agreed to working out with a trainer, even if it was only for a day. I would have avoided that like the plague! It’s like the dentist: modern day torture. Plus, it’s expensive as hell (at least to me, The Broke & the Frugal). So we finish the workout, and I’m thinking it wasn’t so bad and I tell him as much. He said, “Yeah, I didn’t want to kill you today. I want you to come back! LOL!” Although I chuckled, I thought using the phrases ‘kill you’ and ‘I want you to come back’ all in the same breath was borderline abusive and a not-good selling tactic. Still, I go in to the office and I listen to the sales pitch. I already knew I wasn’t purchasing sessions with a personal trainer (hello, frugal), but I’m not rude, so I listen. Early, after hearing about my WW experience and why I haven’t been successful with ST on my own, he came to the conclusion that I need both motivation and accountability in my workouts. So as he goes through this sales pitch, I’m thinking about that and how true it is. WW works for me because I like the accountability of standing on the scale in front of another human being.

Fast forward to today, 2/28/12. Suffice it to say that after that initial meeting with the trainer, I decided to sign up for a year of sessions with him, once a week. Today, as I type this with painful arms that I can’t stretch fully out, I wonder exactly why I signed up for this. But then I remember that I want my body transformed, and I wasn’t successful at it alone. I need help and I got it. Yes, my frugal ass is paying for sessions with the personal trainer. And dreading every meeting. But I feel SO good when it’s all over. Good that I stuck with it and good that I finished the workout. I have yet to do any strength training on my own. Today he wrote down everything we did (I write it down in my training log, too) and the plan for how to do my weight training each week. I alternate between CrossFit and strength training. So far, we’ve done mostly CrossFit, so that’s what I’ll be doing the rest of this week. Captain T is also a marathoner and triathlete, so he is also helping me train for the half marathon this May at the Flying Pig Marathon. I told him the longest I’ve ever run is 10 minutes, so he told me to add 1 minute every time I walk/run. The other day, I did 12 minutes, so today he told me to shoot for 14. Had I gotten to the gym early enough to do my walk/run before my workout with him, I would have been able to do 14 minutes, I’m sure of it (Capt. T thinks I could do 17 minutes, but I’m not studdin’ what he talkin’ about). When I tell you that he took it ALL out of me today, he killed me. My arms were hurting when I got there and now they are just fucked. It already hurts to brush my teeth, I’m afraid what they’re gonna feel like tomorrow. Every time I move my arm and feel that pain, I remind myself that I’m building a better body, one that I can market as a personal trainer and actually get some clients. So I have a love-hate relationship with Capt. T. When my birthday gets here, in 46 days, I hope to see some results. My shoulder hurts like hell right now.

All in all, I am TOTALLY enjoying the gym. Who knew I’d turn into such a gym rat, going to the gym 5 times a week?! I saw a sign saying they were hiring and actually thought of applying, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t make much money. I’m not sure I’m much of a salesperson. I dunno, I think I might be able to convince people to invest in their health like I have. I’m gonna give it A LOT of thought. Capt. T knows I aspire to being a personal trainer, so maybe I’ll talk to him about it. I’ll see if they have part-time opportunities available. After deciding that I wanted to be a personal trainer and group fitness instructor, I never really saw myself working in a gym. I always picture myself outside, which is weird because in my real life, I hate the outdoors. It’s the exact opposite when it comes to exercise; I’d much prefer to be outside. Huh, I just learned something new about myself. Anyway, I always picture myself outside leading a boot camp or zumba class, or having someone run through circuits outside using minimal equipment. Being in a gym setting never really crossed my mind. But I am going to give it some serious thought.

What’s new on the WW front? I am in my 5th week of maintenance and I weigh in tomorrow. This morning the Wii had me at 163.8. My goal is 162 so I’m hoping my weight is the same tomorrow. Then I have one more week and I’ll be LIFETIME!!!! I have to be at Lifetime in order to interview for WW, so I’m looking forward to my weigh-in next week. My leader asks me every week when I can start training. I’m looking forward to being able to add that to my resume.

Oh! The clean eating book. Yeah, haven’t started that yet, but I will since I have to show my trainer my food log. Have we talked about that? I have to give him a weekly log of my cardio, weight training, and my food diary. I am SO uncomfortable with it, but it is forcing me to eat better, and I need that. These past couple of weeks I have eaten a lot of processed foods, frozen meals, and too many snacks (pretzels and Special K Cracker Chips). I treat Nature Valley protein bars like candy bars. I’m getting better, but man it is not easy. Yes, WW helps you to make better decisions, but it doesn’t force you to eat healthy, let alone clean. You can still choose the not-so-good choice if you want and still lose the weight. Having to show my food log to my trainer? Guarantees the night snacking will stop. It also guarantees I’ll eat breakfast every day, within 30 minutes of waking up. My first meal has always been 2 or 3 hours after I wake up. Tomorrow I’m eating breakfast inside the WW meeting. I’ll make a smoothie and take with me to drink after I weigh in. I’m not eating before my weigh in, period. Sorry, Capt. T. So I’ll be starting the energy boost plan in my clean eating book. I’ll also start to break out my juicer (which I haven’t used in who knows how long) and juice some fresh fruits and veggies. I’ll either drink the juices or use them in my smoothies.

So that’s what’s going on with me. Hope all is going well with you, your health, and your goals! If it is not going well, you are the only one who can change that. Make that change (in my MJJ voice)!!! I’ll try to check in tomorrow after weigh-in. Have a great week!

(sorry if there are typos, I didn’t have time to proofread it)

I met my WW goal today!!!!! My goal was 162 and I weighed in at 161.6!!!! Now I just have to make sure I maintain within 2lbs for 6 weeks and I’ll be a Lifetime member. More importantly, I’ll actually be able to work for WW. Extra income? Yes, indeed! Helping others? Yes, indeed!!! I am only concerned that the strength training and running are going to make me lose more. I’ll stay on top of it. Once I’m hired on, I doubt it matters if I’m below my goal weight as long as I maintain a healthy weight, and I have every intention of doing so.

More later, gotta get back to the plantation. Have a great week!!!