I can’t believe I haven’t blogged since May! Are we serious?! Well, I have been typing word docs to upload and I guess I’ve forgotten to upload them, so let me do that NOW.

11/16/12

Wow, it has been quite some time since I blogged. I have a ton of stuff on my mind and I need to get it off so I figured what better to do than journal? Before I get off into my own incoherent babble, let me at least update you on what’s been going on.

Weight loss wise, not too much has changed. I have pretty much maintained and by maintained I mean I’ve yo-yo’d between 151lbs and 162lbs. I had a binge or two, and almost ended up over goal. But I got my mind right, took my gain off and then some! My last weigh-in I was 148.8 and had lost about 78lbs total since I went back to WW in 2010. I have no intention of losing any more scale weight, although I still have fat to burn. What I really want is to stay the exact same size, which is coincidentally a SIZE 6, while burning the remaining fat and replacing it with muscle. That is my plan.

This will probably be the last time I share my actual weight for a variety of reasons. I wanna start focusing on my body fat percentage more than the scale weight. I will still use the scale as a way to measure if I’m off plan, but not to measure my idea of success which is to look better naked. I also really have no desire to have the “you’re too skinny” conversation. Here it is: Monique is the only person who has to (a) live in Monique’s body and (b) see Monique naked on a daily basis. That being said, Monique is really the only person’s opinion that matters on the subject. But I am telling you, I get more unwanted and unrequested opinions about my weight/weight loss/body it’s mind boggling, really. And the majority of the comments (mostly negative) come from those who could honestly stand to shed a few pounds. Not for vanity’s sake, because it is always more about health than about the way one looks. But it never ceases to amaze me how someone who is obviously overweight tell me I’m too skinny. If I told the same person they were too fat, they would be offended. I have a soror who used to say this exact same thing, but I was fat then, so I didn’t get it. I get it now, though, boy do I get it now. The incessant questions about how much more do I want to lose, and what am I trying to do, disappear. Or my absolute favorite, “Girl, what you tryin’ to be white girl skinny?!”

Let me devote a separate paragraph to this asinine comment right here. First off, I have NEVER had a stereotypical Black girl body. Not ever. I was skinny with no butt before I gained weight. I maintained the no-butt status as a fat girl. So it should be no surprise that when I lost the weight, I still don’t have the coveted Black girl booty. I have the body Yah gave me and the most I can do is make my glutes strong, build my abs and back to create a curvy silhouette. Beyond that, I can’t be concerned. Second off, every one and any one who knows me knows that I aspire not to be a “white” anything. I am intensely proud of my Hebrew heritage, my beautiful chocolate skin, and I rock my nappy hair with pride. I have no control over my genetics. And I have ZERO intention on being unhealthy (because being overweight/thick/whatever is unhealthy) simply to be “curvy.” Sit back and think about that for a minute. You tell me what you would rather have after comparing the two. On one hand you are white girl skinny, have good health, few to no medications, energy to take care of day to day tasks, better sleep, and the potential to have a longer life and see your grandchildren. On the other hand, you are overweight and possibly obese, Black girl curvy, have mediocre to poor health, a few to a lot of medications, constant pressure from your doctor to lose weight, aching joints, no energy, poor sleep, can’t climb stairs without being out of breath, and likely to die earlier than you’d like from complications of diabetes, heart disease, and/or stroke. You make your choice, but I’ll take my genetically white girl skinny (for proof, look at my older sisters and my niece) and longevity of life. Because the way I see it, sick is not synonymous with sexy. Neither is a $60 copay for the cardiologist.

I’m so off topic, but I have to go there. Health and fitness is now a huge part of my life. I know this because of how people react to me, the things they tell me, and the things they ask me. So some of the same people who criticize my skinny also want their own personal version of skinny. Let me give you an example. I have a coworker who has never really criticized how I look, but she has criticized what I eat (you would be surprised how many unwarranted comments I get about what I eat, but that’s another blog for another day). This same coworker one day said she needed to make an appointment with her cardiologist but she was afraid to because she was scared he would admit her to the hospital. THE NEXT DAY, she collapsed at work and had to be taken to the hospital in the ambulance (huge bill), where she was admitted (another huge bill), and had to be seen by various physicians (and still more bills). That was about six months ago I guess. She has a gym membership and she goes here and there but no real commitment. A couple weeks ago we are in the bathroom at work and as she walk past the mirror she grabs her stomach and then her back fat and says, “I gotta do something about this.” Then earlier this week, I watched her microwave an ENTIRE box of sausage to eat with her Aunt Jemima omelet and some grits. When she dumped them on the plate, I asked her what she was doing. Naturally, I was appalled. I’ve never eaten a whole box of sausage and I binge. A whole box of cookies? Quite possibly. But a whole box of meat? I’ve only heard of people doing that type of crazy on the Atkins diet, but just off GP? I was amazed. She said she was making them to put in her grits. I get that; I do that. Just not with an ENTIRE box of sausage!!! So I try to tell her, she is about to eat about 5 servings and she says, “So what, I’m a big girl!” She is maybe a size 18. So I remind her, “That’s not going to help you lose the stomach and the back fat.” She says, “Oh, I know, I’m going to start my diet on . . .” and I don’t hear the date, because I mean, really, what difference does it make? She was eating an ENTIRE box of sausage as a part of her meal. A meal that she was going to eat during a FIFTEEN MINUTE BREAK. I told her to make sure she don’t fall out at work again because I’m not going to stop doing what I’m doing to call 911 for her. In essence, you are committing suicide, you want us to witness it, then you want us to call for help. That shit is dysfunctional as hell when you think about it. And this is the chick that criticizes my cashews and apples.

I have at least influenced a few people at work to start making lifestyle changes for better health. One guy (he is morbidly obese and smokes two packs of cigarettes per day) joined a gym and is trying to cut back to a pack and a half per day (you gotta start somewhere, hell, I was impressed). What happened is I typed up this paper about a personal challenge (I’ll share it with y’all) and I passed it out to a few people at work who I knew were trying to make a change or had already started. I did not give it to him or anyone else who was obese unless I had talked to them previously and knew they had some interest. I’m not gonna offend someone like that, y’know? But I was SO happy when I saw him reading the paper! I didn’t care about his weight, but he coughed so hard and so often, I wanted him to quit smoking. Him reading what I wrote gave me an opportunity to voice my concerns. He listened. We joke about it, but I know he is putting in some effort. He joined a gym and he goes!!! Impressive!

There is another guy at work who criticizes what I eat whenever he gets the chance. Y’all, please believe I am not eating crazy shit, ok? I am not re-hydrating peanut butter, for crying out loud (I’m sorry, it’s wrong, I can’t even try it). But for some reason since I am pretty much eating clean 80% of the time, packing my own meals, and not eating fast food, people think what I eat is weird or nasty. I eat A LOT of yogurt (Greek and regular) and I mix granola in it. You would think I was eating pissy snow and rocks. I have started eating a lot of salads. They say I’m eating sticks and twigs. I can’t figure these people out, lol. Anyway, the king of criticism also joined a gym and is making small changes in his eating habits. He sends me texts when he exercises and shows me his healthier breakfasts. He took the personal challenge seriously and it shows. He is proof that baby steps make a difference.

You wanna know what I think my greatest accomplishment has been in this personal challenge? It was supposed to be building more muscle so I could look like the Personal Trainer I aspire to be. As it turns out, I started eating tomatoes raw. I never had a problem with them cooked, but I don’t really like them raw. I have been a “hold the tomatoes” girl my entire life. Ask me about lycopene, I would get mine from watermelon, thank you very much. But now, I get them in my salads AND on my Subway sandwiches! Well one Subway sandwich, the Tuscan Chicken which was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! Best Subway sandwich ever! I’m gonna figure out that seasoning so I can make that chicken at home. So yeah, I eat more tomatoes. Not every day, probably not even once a week, but a whole lot more than never, that’s for sure.

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