I lost 1lb this week for a total of 53.6lbs down! I was pleasantly surprised that I lost, so I was happy about that pound. I’m currently 173.8lbs. If I can lose 1.8lbs this week, I can apply to be a receptionist with WW. I’m very excited about that. I’m trying to recommit myself fully to the plan this week, but I know it’s gonna be hard because I’m still moving and then I’ll be unpacking. I can’t really plan any meals because I can’t really cook until I have all my stuff out of storage this weekend. So I’m kinda in limbo with that. I’m still tracking everything I eat, though. I know that by Sunday, I should have my kitchen pretty much in order. And I’ll get plenty of activity moving and unpacking. My apartment is on the third floor. Speaking of, wanna hear something that made me feel great? I figured you would. When I was looking at the apartment, I commented about having to go up and down 2 flights of stairs (at first I kept saying how this was the easiest three flights I’d ever walked, but I realize now it’s only 2 flights to the 3rd floor, duh). She said, “Yeah, it’ll keep you thin.” I thought to myself, “Wow! She thinks you’re THIN!!!” It would have been comical if it weren’t so exciting. Me?! Thin?! Who’d’ve thunk it?!

You wanna know something else? Things are different for me now. Before, I always wondered if I’d ever not be fat. Always. I always thought that I didn’t have the follow through to actually make a lifestyle change and stick with it. I have done that, and now I KNOW that I will reach a healthy weight. I can see the changes in myself. Ooh! Random NSV! Ok, so yesterday we had lunch given to us at work and of course they had dessert. I’ll have you know I made myself a taco salad and didn’t go overboard. But I did pick up a slice of apple pie for later. I had an internal struggle about that damn pie ALL DAY. Here’s how it sounded: Mmm, apple pie. You don’t need that pie; you know you weigh in tomorrow. *shrug* So what, I like apple pie. But you don’t even WANT any pie! So what, I wanna taste it! FOR WHAT? To see if it’s good! They never have dessert in here and I wanna see if it’s good. FOR WHAT? Then I ignore the pie for a while, then it starts up again. Finally, I asked someone at work to please come and get the damn pie! Why? Because the angelic me was right, I didn’t even want that pie. Didn’t crave it, wasn’t hungry, I just didn’t want it. But Sabby was right, too. It didn’t matter that I didn’t want the pie, I knew eventually, I would eat it, ’cause that’s what I do: I eat shit I don’t really want because I wanna taste it. Tasting is a really big thing for me. It’s why I love buffets; I can taste a little bit of whatever I want. I wish life could be a buffet. Set to music. But I digress. The point is I was able to talk myself down from the pie and give it away instead of gorging on it when I didn’t truly want it. I am growing! I’m learning to truly listen to cues from my body regarding hunger. When I’m full, I stop eating. This is a HUGE issue for me. I cannot STAND to throw away food; it’s wasteful. I can’t stand it. But at the end of the day, if it’s not enough for leftovers, and I’m full? It’s either going to be saved for a snack or it’s going in the trash. I no longer eat until I’m stuffed. It’s those little things that let me know that I’m going to be ok. Every week is not going to be sunshine and roses and pounds falling off. I still don’t have control of the whole binge issue, so I know I have more growing to do. But what I know is good week or bad week (or weeks), I’m going to be just fine. I’m going to lose the weight and I’m going to lose it for good.

So listen, don’t EVER think you can’t lose the weight. YOU CAN! You have to dig deep and find your motivation. Why do you TRULY want to lose? Keep that in your mind at all times. If I can do this, I’m telling you, ANYONE can do it. Yes, it is an every day struggle. Yes, I know that it’s going to be a struggle for the rest of my life. I know that I can never go back to the way I used to eat and I don’t even want to. I am willing to commit to staying healthy for the rest of my life. I do not want to be 247lbs ever again. I keep my original before pictures from 2002 in my purse along with my WW charms. I won’t go back. I just remember at 247lbs thinking I’d never be a healthy weight. And today I’m 9.8lb away from a healthy BMI. Less than 10lbs away! So don’t think for a minute that you can’t do this! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! And don’t think of how much you have to lose to reach your goal. Don’t overwhelm yourself. Just think about what you want to lose THIS WEEK and work to reach your goal. Then next week you can make a new goal. Take it one week at a time, one day at a time, one meal at a time. Honestly? That’s really all you can do. Have a great week!

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