So I decided that I’m committed to blogging more. It will keep me more accountable. And it will give my fingers something to do when I want to eat and am not hungry.

I went to Chipotle for lunch yesterday. Listen: if you normally get sour cream on your burrito or bowl or whatever, start to have them put it on the side. I originally asked them to do this because it made my burrito unnecessarily cold and I *hate* that. When they did it and I got to see how much sour cream it actually was I knew they wouldn’t be putting that on MY burrito or bowl ever again. I took a picture so you could see what was left AFTER I finished eating my burrito bowl.

chipotle sour cream

Last time I went, I kept the leftover sour cream and made garlic mashed potatoes. They put entirely TOO much sour cream on your food. And I love sour cream, but really? Hey, did you know you can substitute yogurt for sour cream in your baked potato? I PROMISE you it tastes exactly the same. I don’t try it with anything else (burritos, tacos, nachos, etc.), but I will use it on baked potatoes and mashed potatoes in a heartbeat. Perfect substitution to save you calories (or points, whatever). You should try it sometime, if you haven’t already.

I have a few non-scale victories! Last week, for the first time in my adult life, I was able to put a coat of polish on all 10 toes before having to sit up to take a deep breath. I couldn’t believe it! This use to be so much of a struggle that I hated to do my own pedicures, even in the winter. But now I don’t have all that fat obstructing me! I was excited about that!

Can you stand up without using your hands? Now, this is something that I’d never thought about until I heard or read a man say to pay attention to how a woman stands up. If she has to use her hands to stand up, her legs aren’t strong and that will show through in the bedroom. Something like that, but it made me think about how I stand and whether or not I had to use my hands to stand up. I did. I didn’t care about what happened in the bedroom, my issue was that I was now noticing how other people stood up without using their hands! I felt lazy and weak. No more!!! I can stand up without the assistance of my hands!

I had an interview yesterday and I wore a pair of size 12 pants that I hadn’t worn since before I got pregnant (well, since I started gaining baby weight, whatever). At least not comfortably. I tried once and they were way too tight. Today, they were loose. Not way too loose, but loose. I’m not going to get many more wears out of those. I can fit into my size 10 jean skirt from Old Navy that I also haven’t worn since before I got pregnant (or whatever). Until yesterday, I thought it had been sized wrong and that was why I was able to get it from the thrift store brand new. Now, I’m not so sure. I was pretty positive I wore a size 14, even though my 14’s are kinda big and require a belt. I was pretty sure that I couldn’t fit a 12. I was wrong on both counts, apparently. I think I might wear a size 12. To find out for sure, I’m going to go try on clothes today.

So the job I interviewed for I was offered on the spot. While I’m a superstar, it’s true, this was not all that impressive, trust me. Call center, employee benefits gig again, crappy pay, but I’ll take it. It’s temporary until I (a) find something better or (b) am able to employ myself. Starting a new job has me nervous about eating and fitting in exercise regularly again. That and being away from my son. I’ve gotten to stay at home with him for 15 months, and while it’s definitely been challenging, I’ve loved every single minute of it. Except potty training. I most certainly did NOT love that shit. No pun intended. I’m so used to having my day to plan as I please (although nothing hardly ever goes according to my plan because my life is governed by a tiny tyrant), I just worry about actually having to plan my exercise. And my meals for that matter. I can slack off on planning at home because, for the most part, I’m always at home where, other than the evil villain peanut butter, there are no real temptations. But to go to work every day is going to require planning of ALL of my meals. I’m working second shift, so I’ll have to eat lunch immediately before leaving, eat my afternoon snack on my 1st break, eat dinner during my lunch, and my sweet snack during my second break. I have to be able to plan all three of those mini-meals otherwise I’ll be at work either (a) hungry as hell or (b) eating in the cafeteria. I want to avoid the cafeteria at all costs. Zero good can come from that. But my money and my points are too tight to be trying to spend them in a cafeteria. No! Sooooooo I have to be more diligent about planning my meals. I also applied for a job at the YMCA and am hoping that I am able to get some part-time hours there (make a little cash while I learn more about health, fitness, and becoming a personal trainer and group class instructor). Reuben will be going back to school all day (*silent tears*), so I’ll have to be out the door in the morning, but I won’t have to be to work until noon. Guess who just found a huge block of time to exercise, plan, and prepare meals?

As I read what I just wrote, I’m saddened as to how little I’m going to see my son. I am more motivated in this moment than I have EVER been to employ myself. If I have to have multiple hustles (personal trainer, zumba instructor (LaDedra, you inspired me), group class instructor, massage therapist, etc.), I *WILL* work for myself. I need way more control over my time and money than allowing a someone else dictate when I’m away from home and how much I’m paid. I don’t like that at all, but I do like having a roof over my head, so I’ll do what I have to do until I can do what I want to do.

My son is going to be three years old in less than three weeks. Where did the time go? I can remember him fitting in my lap, nursing, and smiling while he ate. The memory truly warms my heart. I’m amazed at how much he’s grown, how smart he’s gotten, and how adorably sweet he can be. I feel bad about losing my temper sometimes, but kids can take you there, so I get over it. My baby recognizes the words ‘Weight Watchers.’ He knows when we are almost to the center that we are “going to the meeting, Mommy?” He truly is my greatest motivation to lose the weight, to be self-employed, to create the life I want for us. He deserves the absolute best. And, of course, so do I!