A little late, but better than never, right? This past Wednesday I had the worst weigh-in I’ve ever had. Ever. In all the years I’ve been on and off of WW, I’ve NEVER gained 6.6lbs in a week. Worst weigh-in in the history of ever. And I only have me to blame. I just could not stop eating. I’m not sure what or what the fuck, but I just couldn’t stop eating. I didn’t even track I was so busy eating. I tracked my activity points, though, only because they are stored in the pedometer for 7 days. I clocked 68AP and still gained 6.6lbs. Yeah, I was eating my ass off. Or back on, depending on how you look at it.

I’m pretty much over it. Over the gain. I’m still pretty disgusted with myself for the serious lack of control. I have tried to track everything I’ve eaten this week. I’m tracking my healthy checks. I am taking my vitamin every day. I’m doing OK as far as activity goes. I went to Zumba on Wednesday and it was awesome as usual. I haven’t walked; just haven’t really felt up to it. I’ve done two days of strength training, and today I’m doing total body to knock out my other two days in one. I stuck to that this week, and I’m proud of that. I’ve played with my Wii and will spend the most of my Sunday doing that and cleaning house. I’ll be on the Wii tomorrow, too, since it’ll still be raining.

I haven’t stopped moving even though I couldn’t get my eating under control. I haven’t figured out what triggered the binge. No idea whatsoever. I wonder if it’s Sabby. I think that she shows up whenever I try something new or make a new goal or get close to reaching a goal, she rears her ugly head. And last week she won. She won the battle, but I’ll be victorious in this war. That’s all I can think of, self-sabotage. AF is due in the next few days, but I don’t think the binge was her fault. Whatever it was, I’m done thinking about it for now. I can’t focus on the gain, I have to focus on getting the scale to move back down.

I came up with an idea and I’m scared, but I’m going to try it anyway. We all know that I ultimately want to be a WW leader and a personal trainer (and massage therapist, but that’s kinda unrelated and kinda not). I’m currently unemployed and looking for work. The week before last they handed out little cards at the WW meeting about WW careers. You can apply if you are at goal or close to goal. I’m not sure what close to goal means, but I do intend to find out. I don’t think I’m anywhere near goal, but I need to know for future reference. What has me scared is applying to work in a fitness center as a front desk associate (or whatever they might call it). I’m going to pick up an application today on my way to the grocery store (my 2nd favorite place after the library). The reason I’m scared to apply is what if they don’t hire overweight people? I know that’s discrimination, but it is a fitness center. How can they employ unfit people? But I’m trying to get fit. Here’s my plan. I figure if I can get a job at a gym, I can (1) take advantage of the weights, machines, and classes; (2) learn more about fitness, weight training, and the industry; and (3) make sure it’s something I really want to do before investing time and money into it. I figure the worst that can happen is they tell me I’m over-qualified (story of my life) or to try back when I’m a bit more in shape (which they can’t really say, can they? Can they?). I’m on my way up there regardless. ONE gym has to want to hire someone so smart, driven, nice, and personable. I’m going to make it my business to find that one.

So that’s been my week. I’m back on my game and hoping to drop some of that 6.6lbs this coming Wednesday. Not quitting, never that. Just derailed a bit. Nothing is going to keep me from my goal. NOTHING.