I have so little to tell you, but so much to say. Isn’t that how it always is? So what can I tell you? I’ve done a little strength training. It hasn’t all been YAYOG, though. Some of the bodyweight exercises just won’t work right now (hanging from/pulling on doors, for example), so I incorporated some exercises from another book I bought the same day back in February, Weight Work for Women. I have actually planned two full weeks of workouts, to the minute. This week I have four separate days planned, two upper body and two lower body. Next week I only planned two full days of total body workouts. I’m not sure how I’m going to do Weeks 3 & 4 yet, I’ll plan them next week. Let me tell you about last night’s upper body workout. Those ladders? They’re pretty tough. I tried to push myself as hard as I could, paid attention to each rep, and focused on squeezing the muscle I was working, especially during negative movements. I only had one exercise where I could get to 10 reps and all the way back down and that was hammer curls. Some of the exercises are hard to do in ladders (1 rep, rest, 2 reps, rest, 3 reps rest, etc to highest rep (e.g., 10), rest, 9 reps, rest, 8 reps, etc bac down to 1 rep). I forget what these exercises are called, but they are static (I guess) because you don’t move. Like a plank, for example. I’m not sure how you could do that in ladders, so tonight I plan to hold it for as long as I can during that 7.5 minutes, rest, then hold again and repeat that until my 7.5 minutes are up.

Last night, I seriously did NOT want to do that workout. I’ve been on a binge, can’t seem to stop eating, and the last thing I wanted to do, honestly, was workout. I did a little warm up on the Wii then did the workout. This was my first real workout for the 10 week period. I did the exercises in front of a window in which I could see my reflection. It reminded me why I was doing the exercises in the first place. I actually thought about my before pictures and the fact that they were posted in this blog. I reminded myself that I didn’t want those before pictures to be the end. I want a transformation. I want AFTER pictures. So I made it through the whole workout and it felt good. I knew in the middle of the workout that I would finish and that, ultimately, I’d finish my first 10 weeks. I knew that I would get stronger. I knew that I’d be able to do exercises that I was too weak to do today. I knew I’d make myself proud, because I’ve done that already and I like how it feels. I knew that I would stop binge eating because that would only sabotage my efforts. I knew I’d start my journey to clean eating. I knew all of this just by standing and watching my body work. The body I regard with such a critical eye.

But this body, my body, is strong. And I have to respect it as it is now. I carried a baby full-term (plus ten days) in this body. These flabby legs supported my pregnant frame. This wide midsection held a life. These saggy breasts provided my child with nourishment and comfort for the first 13 months of his life. These arms have held, rocked, carried, lifted, and hugged. I am both blessed and thankful for all that my body has done and is able to do. I will not take for granted the body I have now. I cherish the body I have now and that is why it’s so important for me to work hard to create the body I actually want.

So what am I doing? Tomorrow I face the scale for my weigh-in. I’m recommitting myself to working the plan, all of it. That means consistently doing my Healthy Checks, staying within my points with the help of my weekly allowance points, and being truly committed and dedicated to training (cardio & strength).

*******Stopped typing at 9:39pm to tend to Reuben. Started my Lower Body strength training at around 11:30pm and finished it strong!!!! There was one exercise that KILLED my legs and glutes: SCORPION (donkey kicks)!!! MAN! I can’t believe how much sweat was dripping off of me!!! I used ankle weights, but still, that one exercise was worth the whole workout! I wish I could make each exercise the same intensity as that one. Man! Ok, so I was trying to find a picture or video of this exercise and found something totally different with the same name that I must try. I wonder if that will make my lower back feel better? Ooh, this one too! Anyway, I totally planned on skipping tonight’s workout and just doing it tomorrow. After I finished with Reu and getting him back to bed (going on 3 years old and STILL doesn’t sleep thru the night) I was going to come and finish this blog. Then it dawned on me that skipping my workout would be in direct contradiction to everything I’d written. So I changed my clothes and did my workout. And I’m glad I did. I am committed to me and my goals.*******

Ok, so where was I? Oh, yeah, what I’m doing. So re-committing myself to working the WW PointsPlus plan. Committed to training, yes. I am using my Ultimate Workout Log. I am studying these books like it’s my business. I’m a nerd and treat most things like school and this is no different. This is something I know next to nothing about. Yes, I have used weights (free weights and machines), yes I’ve taken pilates, yes I dabbled in Body for Life (I still secretly want to be a BFL champion and that reminds me to get my BFL for Women from under my couch), but for real for real? I know nothing about strength training. I’ve never been to a personal trainer, so I have to rely on my books and the internet to make sure I’m using proper form. I have 4 more books on hold at the library. I am studying the muscles of the body and which movements work which muscles. As I’m working out, I’m thinking about which exercises I can combine for total body workout days (like squats and bicep curls or squats and shoulder presses). I took out the OnFitness magazine that I bought in February and actually read the training section (I’ll read the nutrition section tomorrow). I’m looking at youtube and other online videos for various moves that will help tone my trouble areas (thanks, LaDedra!). I am putting together a plan to transform my body. This is not the first time I’ve done this. I bought my BFL book back in 2000, who knows when I bought my BFL for Women book. So this is not the first time I’ve done this, but I know that this is the first time I’ll actually see it through. So many people said I was brave to post my before pictures in my blog when my blog auto-publishes to Facebook. It’s not that I’m brave. It’s more that I’m CERTAIN I won’t look like that forever. At first I was scared and nervous about posting the pictures and everyone being able to see the pictures, but that’s why I posted them. Both as motivation and to hold myself accountable. And so far it’s working. I don’t need to hide anymore. I know I’m going to change and transform my body. Failure to do so simply isn’t an option. It’s just not.