And the scale is going back up. I gained 1.8lbs last week. The reason? Aunt Flo and mindless munching. Well, it wasn’t mindless, I was aware of everything I put into my mouth, even if I didn’t track it. I just couldn’t track my most embarrassing eats; I just couldn’t. I mean, I did something last week that I have judged people on in the past: I ate an entire pint of ice cream in one day. Almost in one sitting. The worst part about it is that before I ate it, I shared one serving of frozen yogurt with my son. That should have been enough, but no, I started in on that Butter Pecan and didn’t stop until there was less than a serving left. Then I had the nerve to put that little bit in the freezer, only to go back a couple hours later and finish it off. And finished the rest of the pint of frozen yogurt the next day. Definitely, my worst case of overeating to date. I have never in my life eaten an entire pint of ice cream in one day, hell, in the span of a few hours. So, no, I’m not putting that in my tracker. That’s not all. One night last week I ate three 90-calorie oatmeal raisin chewy granola bars back-to-back-to-back. I made healthy meals and overate those, too. It was just a week of overeating due to stress and my period, but mostly stress. I realized on Tuesday that I was falling back into old habits and it wasn’t worth it. I absosmurfly intend on reaching my goal weight, being a Lifetime member, becoming a WW Leader, and getting certified to be a personal trainer. Each and every one of these goals will be met, period. So I don’t get to sit around and eat because I’m stressed. And to make sure of it, I have a new mantra.

The mantra is spoken to me by the voice of the Jigsaw Killer from the Saw movies. He says, “You choose what to eat. You choose whether or not to exercise. Live or die, make your choice.” I formed my mantra from hearing something a lady said on the show Heavy. She said that food is life or death and she’s said it so much that her children repeat it. It’s true; what I put into my body (or don’t put into it) can help me to live or it can help kill me. Hearing her put it into words . . . I knew that I would be incorporating that into my self-talk. I tried it yesterday and it worked! I wanted nothing more than to go to Max & Erma’s and get a mushroom swiss burger then split a dessert with my son. Instead I went to Applebee’s (this is after exercising) where I got a 550 calorie meal. I went back and forth in my head the entire time trying to decide whether or not to get a dessert. Then Jigsaw said, “Live or die, make your choice.” And then it was clear: the dessert was not an option. I ate enough dessert this week to last the rest of the month. Well, except my birthday, which is a week from today. I plan on eating something yummy, namely a muffin-sized cupcake with buttercreme frosting. I sigh delightedly whenever I think about it. Other than that, I’m steering clear of full-fat sweets of any kind. Actually, if I really want it, I’ll have to bake it. Period. Last week was scary to me because I saw myself slipping back into the old me. Just eating to be eating. It was so bad, I almost didn’t weigh-in yesterday. But I told myself, not getting on the scale doesn’t mean anything, if you gained, you gained. Ignorance is not bliss in weight-loss, it can only lead to failure. So I took my fat ass to WW and weighed in. I thought I had gained 3lbs (from what I calculated from the Wii weigh-ins), but it was only 1.8. I know it should have been more, but again, I exercised last week.

My eating may get jacked up, but I won’t stop moving. I feel good, better about myself, when I’m exercising. I just have to up the intensity of my workouts and get my eating truly under control. This is a perfect segue into the next blog post about the WW Walk !t Challenge. Stay tuned!