So I looked in the mirror the other day to admire how I looked in a pair of sweat pants. I noticed my hips in a way I haven’t in quite a while. I just kept walking back and forth so I could see my hips in the pants. And then I touched my hips and felt a tinge of sadness. See, I love the shape of my hips; they make me look shapely. But when I touched them, they were so soft: fat. I remember what my body looked like before I gained weight, I was skinny with absosmurfly no shape. I don’t want to go back to that!!! I have no idea how small my breasts will end up, but I’m hardly as concerned about them as I am about my hips. I want to be voluptuous, just at a healthy weight. And since I know you can’t spot reduce, I know there’s nothing I’ll be able to do about trying to keep the fat there, either.

I don’t know why this is so heavy on my mind, either. I am looking at the changes in my body over the years and some of the stuff I want to stay the same. Losing back fat down by my waist makes you able to see the slope of my ass. What’s sad about that? The slope is created by fat; I have no real ass. It’s such a tragedy in the Black female community to be ass-less, but it is my reality. When all the weight comes off, I will be left with no hips, no ass, and possibly no tits. Sad. State. of. Reality. I still plan on building muscle all over (no, I haven’t started yet) and I can’t wait to see what my fit body actually looks like, but I kinda wish I could have the best of both worlds: toned yet soft & curvy.

No matter what, I know my legs will be FIRE! Maybe there are real hips under my fatty hips, who knows? Just my random thoughts for the day.